


always remember

by Stars_dreaming (orphan_account)



Series: 88 MCU drabbles and oneshots [80]
Category: Iron Man (Comics), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Crying, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Goodbyes, Grief/Mourning, James "Rhodey" Rhodes Needs a Hug, Letters, Tears, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 19:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19280056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Stars_dreaming
Summary: When she turns, she sees Pepper clutching the wreath so hard her knuckles are white.Carefully, Aeryn takes Morgan’s hand from the woman, and softly puts a hand on Pepper’s shoulder. Happy is the one who whispers to her that they need to step outside now. Pepper swallows, steadies her breathing and straightens her shoulders.It’s not the first time Aeryn marvels at how well Tony’s wife is in recollecting herself for the rest of the world. Sometimes she wishes she could be as strong as her.





	always remember

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [my letter to you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18730696) by [Stars_dreaming (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Stars_dreaming). 



> A rewritten version of an earlier oneshot.

 

* * *

 

Someone knocks on the wood of the bedroom doorframe and she freezes in her movements, standing in the middle of the room. She doesn’t mean to—it just happens.

Instead of turning around, she closes her eyes—wishes for a world where all this never happened and they never lost so much. It doesn’t matter, though. A simple wish is not going to bring them all back.

He doesn’t sigh, even though she expects him to. He must be disappointed—she hasn’t uttered a single word since the final battle. Not since… well… not since he died.

Instead, he steps closer to her. She can feel the warmth of his body pressed almost against her back, but she doesn’t move. He reaches out to her, but reconsiders at the last second and lets his arm fall to his side.

She keeps looking straight forward, unmoving and unblinking. The window is open, letting the warm breeze into the room, brushing the white curtains away, and giving her a sight of the forest behind the cabin.

 _Why couldn’t I save him_ , she wants to ask, but the lump in her throat keeps her from doing so.

There are already tears burning in her eyes but she doesn’t want to cry anymore—there have been enough tears spilled.

“We need to go,” he whispers, and she half expects him to turn around and leave her alone, but he doesn’t move.

She feels like she should be angry with him for it, like she should condemn him for making her show this kind of vulnerability, but then again, that is what she promised to do. Show more of herself to him.

She takes her time, collecting herself. Stealing herself while taking a deep breath, she turns around and looks at him.

There are dark circles under his eyes and his shoulders are sagged—he looks as bad as she feels.

There’s this… sorrow in his eyes; she knows that nothing can ever take that away from him even though she wants it so badly to go away and leave him alone.

 _It’s not your fault_ , she wants to say, but she doesn’t. She can’t trust her voice right now. Not when she’s on the verge of tears— _again._

It feels like her heart has been ripped out of her chest time and time again, and then it has been torn apart right in front of her. It feels like someone is inside her head, ramming with a hammer on her skull as hard as they can. She feels broken and lost, and when she lifts her hand to touch his cheek, her hand is still trembling.

Her husband of only eight years closes his eyes and leans into her touch just slightly. She swallows—at least, _tries_ to swallow the lump in her throat, but it seems persistent and it doesn’t work.

He puts his own hand over hers, drawing a circle on the back of her hand with his thumb before he tries to smile at her.

He fails spectacularly.

“Let’s go,” he says softly. She lets him take her hand in his own—he laces his fingers through her and quickly touches her wedding ring, as to confirm in some way that it’s really her and they’re really here and they really married eight years ago.

She gets it.

He takes the lead—quietly pulling her out of the bedroom, through the hallways of the cabin, into the living room, where everyone else is assembled.

The burial itself is yet to happen—with only Pepper, Morgan, Rhodey and herself present—but Pepper thought it a good idea to let the others say goodbye as well.

 

She thinks of the letter on the dresser in their room—of the cursive letters filling the papers, of the words still dancing around in her head.

 _“I know you won’t be worried about Iron Man,” she_ remembers Tony’s words. _“You will be worried about me. Tony. While Iron Man is my refuge and my hero, Tony Stark… Tony is just so different. And I can’t thank you enough for being the first person to love Tony.”_

They sit down on the couch with Pepper, Morgan and Happy. The little girl is squished in between the two adults, and Aeryn lets Rhodey sit down first. There’s barely any space left for her to sit, but Rhodey tugs on her hand and she carefully sits down on his legs.

She worries it’s uncomfortable for him, but he gives her a small smile and winds one arm around her waist. He needs this.

_“The kid will probably be heartbroken. He will blame himself, I think. He’s a lot like me in that way. I never wanted him to be like me.”_

On the recording of the helmet, Tony smiles at them. “Everybody wants a happy ending, right? But it doesn’t always roll that way.” A pause. “Maybe this time. I’m hoping if you play this back… it’s in celebration. I hope families are reunited. I hope we get it back, and something like a normal version of the planet has been restored, if there ever was such a thing.”

“God, what a world. Universe now. If you told me ten years ago that we weren’t alone, let alone, you know, to this extent… I mean, I… I… I… I wouldn’t have been surprised. But come on, who knew? The epic forces of darkness and light that have come into play. And for better or worse, that’s the reality Morgan’s gonna have to find a way to grow up in.”

Rhodey sniffles, and she turns her head to look at him. The sunlight streams in from the windows, hitting his face. At any other moment, she’d find him beautiful. Now, all she wants to do is put off the recording and take him far, far away from here, to hide him from anyone else who wants to hurt him. Her heart aches for him.

“So I thought I better record a little greeting, in case of an untimely death, on my part.”

Pepper bows her head—she looks close to bursting into tears. “I mean, not that death at any time isn’t untimely.”

Tears roll down Rhodey’s cheeks. Aeryn doesn’t make a sound as she wipes her own away—only to let them be replaced by more and more tears.

“—part of the journey is the end.”

Another pause.

“What am I even tripping for? Everything’s gonna work out exactly the way it’s supposed to.”

He stands up and walks forward to bend down and look Morgan in the eyes—it’s perfectly timed and Aeryn swallows a sob away. “I love you three thousand,” he says seriously. Then, he flicks the recording button off.

_“Take care of Peter. For me. Love him like I did—like I **do**. Please.”_

Rhodey buries his head in her shoulder. It stays silent in the living room.

_“Remember that tattoo? We were so stupid back then, but we had so much fun. You never once complained about my handwriting burned in your skin and I know you, so I know you will seek solace in it, like I did. Just… just don’t get cooped too much in your own head, okay? You’re not alone anymore.”_

She breathes in and holds her breath for a little longer than she should.

_“But then again, I know you well enough that I know I can only guilt-trip you into taking care of yourself.”_

She can almost hear him laugh.

_“Morgan needs a family. She needs the beautiful and amazing aunt you will be. Peter needs someone who will reassure him it’s going to be okay and… who will mentor him when I’m gone. In case you hadn’t picked up on it, that person is you. And Harley… he needs someone who is willing to be in my workshop with him. Who indulges him with robotics and new ideas. And who better for that is you?_

_“Will you be that person for them? Please?”_

It stays quiet as Happy hands Pepper the wreath Aeryn and Rhodey made, with Tony’s first arc reactor in the middle of it. Pepper slowly gets up from the couch, holding the wreath with one hand and Morgan with the other.

The others get up too, slowly filing out of the cabin, to stand on the grass outside. Aeryn waits until even Rhodey steps outside on the veranda.

When she turns, she sees Pepper clutching the wreath so hard her knuckles are white.

Carefully, Aeryn takes Morgan’s hand from the woman, and softly puts a hand on Pepper’s shoulder. Happy is the one who whispers to her that they need to step outside now. Pepper swallows, steadies her breathing and straightens her shoulders.

It’s not the first time Aeryn marvels at how good Tony’s wife is in recollecting herself for the rest of the world. Sometimes she wishes she could be as strong as her.

 

Pepper and Morgan stand completely at front, with Happy, Rhodey and Aeryn just behind them. Aeryn is holding Rhodey’s hand and squeezes it when Pepper leans down and pushes the wreath into the water.

_“I want you to know that whatever happens, I love you. I love you **so much**. You share my blood and I’m incredibly glad you do because you make carrying the Stark name a bit more bearable. _

_“Do you remember when we were kids and we would wreak havoc on those cocktail parties Howard and Maria forced us to attend? Someday, I hope, our kids will do the same.”_

The weather is beautiful outside. The birds are chirping, and the world is alive.

Aeryn doesn’t care. How can she care about this when her brother is not standing next to her, enjoying it with her?

What is this world without Tony Stark in it?

_“God, and I haven’t even started on Rhodey. Will you tell him I love him? That I don’t understand a flying fuck about why he stayed with me, but that I want him to know that I really appreciate it. He’s family, in ways even Pepper isn’t.”_

Aeryn understands those words like no other. When Tony was off to MIT, Rhodey became his family. He’d needed someone then and he’d still needed Rhodey later. They were more than just friends, than just brothers. She does not really believe in soulmates, but she does strongly believe that Rhodey and Tony were platonic soulmates. And they deserved so much more—the both of them.

_“They’re yours now._

_“God, that sounds weird. But you know what I mean. They’re your family and they always have been, but now… now when I’m gone, you’re the only one left who can uphold our name and take care of them._

_“If I were alive, you’d probably yell at me. But then again, if I were alive, I’d be able to hear you and see you and hug you. That’s my only regret right now. That I can’t ever hug you again.”_

She probably would. She swallows away more upcoming tears as Rhodey’s hand slips out of her own and he leans into Happy, who wraps an arm around him.

But if he’d show up right now, she wouldn’t say a thing.

She turns just slightly and steps backwards until she stands next to Peter. The boy is still looking at the lake, where the wreath drifts off slowly. She can see the devastation in his eyes as he swallows, and before she wraps her arm around him, she glances at May, whose worried eyes are focused on Peter.

Aeryn tugs him a little closer. Albeit a little hesitant, Peter wraps an arm around her waist before burying his face in her shoulder. His shoulders shake a little and she tries not to think about the tattoo under her collarbone, the same one that Tony carries on his shoulder blade.

_“I can almost hear you think about Steve._

_“He’ll be family too. They all will. They’ve always been, I think. We just had a rough patch._

_“I’m guessing he’s going to do something stupid like going back in time to see Peggy, but honestly, who can blame him? The guy deserves a little peace and he deserves a happy ending as much as we all do._

_“I suppose Thor will go back to space to find his brother and Clint will go back into retirement. Well. I guess that’s it, you know. The original six Avengers will disband. I bet the others are sensible enough to appoint you as a new leader. You’re good at that. If they want to continue, that is. But I think they will._

_“And otherwise it’ll just be you and Rhodey. Hah. You can finally have that family wanted with him.”_

A family…

_“Oh, I bet you’re so angry at me right now. I can picture the frown on your face.”_

She holds Peter a little tighter.

_“I’ve always wondered what your kids were going to be like. They’ll probably have your character and everything else from Rhodey._

_“You’d make wonderful kids. And I know you’ll be a good mother too.”_

Does she even want to be a mother? Tony seems to know her so well that he’s already thinking about her future.

She draws circles on Peter’s back as his shoulders stop moving and he takes a deep breath.

Maybe I want to be a mother, she thinks. Not now. But soon. They’re not getting any younger anyways.

_“I bet you’ll think about how you’re too old for kids. Or that your work is too dangerous. But I want you to enjoy it. Stop thinking about everything that could stop you and start thinking about everything that could happen. Enjoy it. Live a little._

_“Live what I can’t become. Remember that? How old were we, twelve? And you told me that I could be anything I ever wanted, no matter what Howard said, and I said that one day you’d live in the way I couldn’t ever become.”_

Age, she fills in for him. He can’t grow old. And she can. She’ll live through something he can never be.

_“I know you’d like to know how I am right now. Honestly, I wouldn’t know. It doesn’t feel strange, though. It feels normal. Like this is how it’s supposed be. I think I found peace with it. Dying, I mean. I don’t really think I’m **leaving** Morgan and Pep. I see it more as a passing of responsibilities. I can’t carry them anymore, and so others will do it for me. That’s not so bad, is it?”_

She just wanted a world where all of them were safe.

A life without so many secrets; a family without broken promises.

No regrets, no scars, no traumas, no wars, no death and no funerals.

But, in the end, she realizes, you never really get what you want.

It’s unfair.

_“I bet you’re thinking that the universe is unfair. That life is unfair—that we never get what we truly want. Well, I got what I wanted. I made my family a safe future.”_

 

She stands there, next to Bucky and Sam, when Steve steps onto the platform and doesn’t come back, but reappears in the form of an old man, sitting by the lake.

_“Death comes and goes like waves do. Like love does. You can’t choose it, not really._

_“I made plenty of arrangements. Pep and Morgan get half of the money, a quarter will go to you and Rhodey and the rest of it will be donated. I know you don’t like it; I know you don’t need it, but I need you to let me. Because I need to know that you’re going to be okay.”_

How could she ever be okay when he’s not there? As if the money is going to bring him back.

Fuck the money and fuck the people around her; how can she even _breathe_ in a world where she knows Tony drew his last breath protecting his family?

When the world doesn’t know—doesn’t _truly_ know the sacrifices he made for them.

 _“Do you know how many times I dreamt in those five years that you would barge into the cabin and_ _pull me out bed to tell me to go do something for the world? How many times I wished you were there, and you would be angry at me, but I didn’t care because I just wanted to hear your voice?_

_“Too much, I guess. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”_

 

She sits on the dock after the burial, with a box next to her. It looks quite old, and Tony’s written her name on top of it.

_“I have a whole box of letters under my bed. I wanted to send them to you. Most of them are from these last five years. Others are from when you were in a coma or when you’d been kidnapped. Two of them…_

_“Two of them are from Afghanistan. Promise me to read those two when you’re with someone._

_“I don’t want you to be alone.”_

She doesn’t look at it or touch it, but simply sits there, staring at the lake.

_“I just finally know what I have to do. And I know in my heart that it’s the right thing.”_

Morgan joins her, glancing minutely at the box before flopping down and taking her hand. They both don’t utter a word.

The world is turning. People are breathing—repairing themselves and their families. Cities are building themselves back up. Kings and queens are ruling.

Birds are flying high up in the sky and suddenly she wishes she could fly too, as close to the stars as she can get.

_“I built you something. It’s hidden somewhere and I know you’ll find it in your right time.”_

She reaches out for the box but lets her arm fall to her side at the last second. Without a sound, she turns to the lake again, wrapping an arm around Morgan.

_“Thank you for everything. You were so much more than a sister to me. You made me realize that I don’t need a hundred people to feel complete and that a life is worth living, whether you lose someone about or not.”_

She blinks her tears away.

_“It’s always worth trying._

_“I want you to know you’re not alone. You will never be alone.”_

No goodbye.

But then again, Tony’s always hated saying goodbye.

 

“Those are a lot of letters,” says Rhodey when he enters their bedroom in the cabin. They’re not the only ones who stayed—most of them don’t have permanent places to stay at the moment, and the cabin is big enough to at least hold six people.

None of them are surprised Bucky and Sam are sharing a room.

With the Guardians of the Galaxy back to space with Thor, Carol off to SHIELD with Nick and Maria, T’Challa back in Wakanda, Wanda on the farm with Clint and his family, Scott and Hope on temporary retirement, Peter back at school and doctor Strange and Wong back at their Sanctum in New York, they need to start figuring out what they are going to do now.

Even though half of the world is back where they belong, it’s still not over. And there are still threats in the world.

They need to figure who they want to be and who is going to lead them. Truthfully, Aeryn doesn’t want to think about that.

But it’s like Tony said. It all comes with the hero gig.

“They are,” she whispers in response, her voice hoarse. He doesn’t look surprised at her first spoken words in days, although she hadn’t really expected him to. He gives her a small smile as he climbs into bed next to her.

“Who’re they from?”

“Tony,” she answers. “He… um… he wrote to me. We made a promise when we were children; that we’d always write to each other. These letters never got sent, obviously. I didn’t have a lot of unsent letters, but the ones I did, I read to him when it was just the three of us in the Compound. That’s at least something I got to do.”

She swallows her tears.

Rhodey looks at her for a while.

“Do you want to read them?” He then asks, glancing at the unopened envelope in her hands.

“I don’t know.”

“Okay,” he says, and he lays down, with his head in her lap. She looks at the envelope again, and then puts it away in the box. She isn’t ready yet.

 

 _“You will come back to me,”_ she reads a few days later, when she’s sitting on the veranda, watching Morgan and Happy play catch. Rhodey pads out of the house and hands her a steaming mug of tea before shooing her over and pulling her on his lap. She feels like a teenager, then. But it’s good.

_“You always do.”_

 

 

She finds the Iron Woman suit only half a year later when she’s in one of Tony’s mansions, this time in Milan. It’s winter, and they’re celebrating Christmas with the family.

They’d gotten their tattoos here.

She swallows as she walks further into the basement. Upstairs, she can hear Morgan and Peter laughing. She imagines May and Pepper sitting in the sun—Rhodey and Happy playing football on the beach with Harley.

There’s a note attached to it.

_“Be their hero.”_

 

* * *

 

 


End file.
